TO PORN OR NOT TO PORN!

By SUNNY THOMAS

A Hamletian comedy has descended the Karnataka Assembly. Bored to death, three ministers decided to go on a high doing their past time. At home in the assembly, they did what they are very good at, a proficiency they gained after clocking 10,000 hours of flight, perhaps equivalent to a commercial pilot’s licence for flying a commercial aircraft.

The attendance record of the three ministers even in the school days when caning and corporal punishments were in vogue was abysmally poor; and college where freedom begins saw a further dip in their attendance. The Karnataka Assembly is no school or college to keep a tab of attendance.

And human endurance has its limits. How long can a minister keep on listening to the boring speeches of his colleagues? Five minutes or ten, more than which is an insult to their intelligence. So they did what they were very good at. 

If the three men had their way, they would insist that since virtues must be taught beginning with the school, the Indian Constitution should be amended, and watching pornography made compulsory for all school children to be upgraded at college. Those who fail should not be allowed the privilege of higher education.

Not just that. Instead of Techno Parks, Porno Parks should be opened in all metros, and weekend attendance for residents made compulsory, failing which they must be disfranchised. Gyms and yoga classes could be combined with Porno Parks for greater respectability.     

Now let’s peel the onion live and come to the crux of the matter. What makes men turn to pornography? A psychiatrist who wants to remain anonymous gives me eight reasons:

·         Porn offers instant excitement

·         It has an infinite variety and an endless selection

·         The war of style and rhythm between partners does not arise  

·         If stress and uncertainty are the stuff of real life, virtual life is predictable and controllable

·          When the male is hot to trot, the female is fatigued

·         Our motherly wives cannot arouse us but we go wild for the wanton woman, say some 

·         For some loyalists, it’s a horse ride for the mind  

·          It is an oasis of comfort for the lonely and socially cut-off

Admitted, it is fast, safe and instant. But not in the Karnataka Assembly where hawk-eyed media hounds are prowling for scoops!