CHIDAMBARAM’S BEAUTY PARLOUR!

BY SUNNY THOMAS

Arnab Goswami is appointed the CBI Director in view of his meritorious investigative enterprise! An Ordinance to this effect is being released at Rashtrapati Bhavan. However, he is allowed to continue in his present Times Now job, and will be the first CBI Director to head a television channel. We are giving you tomorrow’s news today.  In case you are planning to ring up Arnab Goswami to congratulate him, hold on till the Rashtrapati communique.  

How do you get a corruption-free government in 2014? There is only one way: eliminate mercilessly the political parties, the perpetrators and guardians of corruption. Elections are the root of all corruption, and our political parties have mastered the art of fooling the people with new promises which they know they don’t have to keep. They have manipulated the system and call it euphemistically the ‘systemic failure’, which means reducing governance to looting, raping and plundering the people with no accountability. On the corruption map of India, BJP is Congress, and Congress, BJP!   

The Chidambaram’s Beauty Parlour belives in trimmimg, shaving, shampooing, and even massaging (which only health clubs offer). PC as he is popularly known wants to make every Indian appealing to the foreign clients; after all foreign funds that energise the Indian economy come not from Bangladesh, or Sri Lanka, or not even from Banana republics. India markets must appeal to the profit-loving pallate of foreign investors. And every Indian, male or female, must exude a rare charm. Cynics call it a Lady’s Budget, because for the first time in the budget-making history, women have been acknowledged as human beings and granted special banking facilites. Ladies, remember 2014! 

Everyone expected another dream budget by PC. But with no cash in the kitty, the best he could do is to win the applause of ladies. Somehow, PC has mesmerised every Indian visiting his Beauty Parlour into believing that s/he has emerged healthier, wealthier and sexier!

Media is crying hoarse about Raja Bhaiya. When he was given a party ticket, there was hardly a whimper of protest; when people voted an alleged criminal as their representative, there were no protests; when he was appointed a minister, there was utter silence, a criminal silence! When a wild beast did what it is accustomed to do, hell breaks out. There is a time to act and a time to contemplate. Half of India is still ruled by feudal lords, and caste and religious rhetoric is just its manifestation.   

Imagine a rapist turns into a yogi overnight, attracting huge crowds in another part of the country; the yogi appears as a mullah in another part of the planet, and the most successful television evangelist in the dollar-land, invited to Wharton and Harvard and LSE, where his speeches are recorded and sold in millions. But you need a Super Cop as your Dad.

      

Just think of it! The people executed a ballot coup in 2014, and a parliament of new faces and young faces take charge. The faces purplex everyone, because no one has heard or read about their new MPs. The only known face is Arvind Kejriwal’s. Would you accept him as India’s next Prime Minister? Anna is too old to be of any use to the nation; Kiran Bedi could be at her best dealing with criminals and politicians; Prashant Bhushan, like all lawyers, knows truth lies in the thick wallet of their clients. So the real Ham-Aadmi, Kejriwal, stands before you. He has discredited the political parties beyond damage control. But would you trust him, entrust him the destiny of 1.2 billion people? Speak, your voice matters!