TELEVISION GORILLAS

SUNNY THOMAS

Truth and TRP are poles apart. What dips when TRP rises is truth, and what rises with TRP is trivia. Truth powdered, watered, shaken, filtered, cooked and doctored is TRP. (TRP short for TRP-raising stories). It is true that Kaushik Basu made an intelligent statement in Washington – being intelligent, he couldn’t help it!

Swiftly, our TV channel editors went on damage control mode, as they believe every intelligent statement damages the Indian economy and the Indian diplomacy, leading to policy paralysis. Taking the cue from our TV editors, the EDC (Eternal Damage Controller), Pranab Dada, went into Operation Lightning, issuing clarification after clarification; the red-faced PM growing redder and redder by the hour, Rahul Gandhi accompanied by Priyanka and Vadra giving roses to the fleeing Foreign Direct Investors, imploring them not to leave this land of opportunity, and an Emergency Cabinet Meeting of Television Gorillas summoned by our channel editors to save the nation from the brink of disaster. That’s TRP!     

To escape from the mud-slinging combat between Ravi Shankar Prasad and Manish Tewari on Indian’s most volatile channel (Times Now), my friend switched to India’s oldest channel (NDTV 24X7) to find the same Ravi Shankar Prasad throwing mud at the same Manish Tewari; and after five minutes, my friend escaped to India’s most professional channel (CNN-IBN) and, lo and behold, the same Ravi Shankar Prasad and the same Manish Tewari throwing the same mud at each other and enjoying it. Party spokespersons are omnipresent, and when you can’t be omnipresent, quit, like honest Manu Singhvi.  

My  `Lady’ colleague the other day found the cat-and-mouse play of Renuka Chowdhury and Nirmala Sitaraman too much of a countryside gossip, and switched channels thrice to find that women are more omnipresent than men – to be seen on four channels simultaneously! 

Election time is Bofors time; otherwise, Bofors is quite dead. All that needs to be known are out in the open and can be inferred. It has high mud-slinging value and hence TRP-hunters give it a hot pursuit. Quattrocchi laughed all the way to the Swiss bank but there are no angels in the scam! Congress lost one election because of Bofors, but to expect Congress to lose all elections thereafter is mere Great Expectations.   

The American economy has not yet recovered from the Bush stroke. Faced with the history’s worst trade deficit and budget deficit to save capitalism from extinction, the Obamanomics is painfully slow in creating jobs to keep the youth anger and frustration at tolerable limits. With the Euro zone in the doldrums and the Arabs in a mood of revolt, Asia is the only relatively tranquil place. But our industrialists L N Mittal and Sunil Mittal are unhappy that their profit margins are not catching up with their expectations because Indian economy is not that reform friendly.   

The BRIC summit – which has the potential to buffer India and China, Russia and Brazil, from another global meltdown – found little TV coverage because there was no scandal in the news! And scandal determines the quality of news for TV channels. Courtesy instantly disqualifies all panelists and broadcasters, and a modicum of intelligence is the next disqualifier. Shout and interrupt as much as you can, if you are a panelist, and but in if you are a broadcaster so that not a line of intelligence emerges from the panel discussion, which has become the soul of broadcasting. 

An Award for the Rude Broadcaster of the Year is just announced (even Rude Panelists may be considered). Readers can send their suggestions to editor@ onionlive.com